I'm going to Stevens Henager College this fall and when I applied for a scholarship they asked me to write a personal statement.
It said "Please write a paragraph explaining why you are a good candidate for a college education at our college. Include your thoughts about the commitment it will require, the motivation you feel, and the expectations you have for yourself and your program."
This is what I wrote:
My friends and family have always told me that I am a fighter. When I set my heart to something, I stop at nothing to achieve my goal. I am determined to go to college and get ahead in life. My ultimate goal has always been to find a career that I love. I want to wake up in the morning and be excited to go to work. I hope to be financially free someday, and the only way to do that is to go to college. I am expecting to major in graphic design. I have taken multiple classes in high school that cover the type of material, and I have become more intrigued by it every day. When I was five years old my mom decided to go back to school. I specifically remember her coming home every night with hours of homework to complete. I know first hand what a commitment college is going to be, but I am willing to work constantly to achieve my goals for the future. I am a firm believer that perseverance will pay off in the end.
Please reply and let me know what you think. I want a lot of opinions and ideas about anything I should add or change. Be brutally honest, I can take it!
I have another meeting with Josh, the rep. from the college tomorrow so I need to have my final copy done by tonight (or early tomorrow afternoon)...sorry I didn't post this earlier! I've had it written for forever, but I just read over it again and now I'm not sure if I like it as much as I did when I first wrote it. I'm sure I'm just being my own worst critic here, but let me know anyways!
Thanks guys!
-Erica
2 comments:
Your ideas were very good. I liked the intensity. I hope my college kids will give you more direct input. There were a couple of lines I questioned. The first was stating that you wanted to be "financially free". I don't know if that's realistically possible with many careers. How about "financially secure" or "financially stable"? Also, the line that said you had classes in "the" type of material, should it be "that"? Gina is here with me and she agrees with these comments and wouldn't change any other thing. It sounds good! Good luck!
Great voice in the paragraph! I could tell you were being sincere. I liked it. I agree with my mom. That was the only part that stuck out to me as well. Good job, Erica! Let us know how it goes.
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